The Fork If I Know? 

Jenna and I recently attended an absolutely beautiful bridal shower for our second cousin.  It was a splendid lunch held at a Southern California country club, and the experience was truly magical.  The bride was, of course, gorgeous, the decor tasteful and elegant, and the food delicious!  It was one of the most lovely bridal showers I have attended.  

There were champagne mimosas and Bellini’s when we walked. A spread of lovely salads, tea sandwich sliders and more had been beautifully laid out on a buffet table overlooking the golf course. 

I was feeling ever so sophisticated and having a wonderful time as we sat down with our plates full of delightful faire.   I’ve been to more formal restaurants before and I’ve always followed the tried and true “outside in” etiquette for knowing which utensil to use.  As I looked down at my place setting however I was confused, yes I had multiple courses on my plate; it was a buffet, the salad and the entree sat there happily side by side! But there were two forks to the left: what I would assume to be a salad fork and entree fork!  And no dessert fork in sight for gobbling up the yummy cupcakes.  My mind was racing …what to do?  Which fork to choose? Should I switch forks mid meal? Do I save a fork for desert, if so which one?  I clearly had salad on my plate, but should I use the small fork or the large fork?  Not wanting to look foolish, I leaned over to Jenna and whispered “Which fork are we supposed to use?” To which she replied “I have no idea, maybe we should ask Aunt V” :p. 

Now Great Aunt V. is our family matriarch of etiquette and refinement.  While all the women in our family love and enjoy the topic, she lives it!  We would all agree that if anyone knows which fork goes where and what to use when, she does! But she was seated across the table and not wanting to out ourselves or interrupt her conversation, we both quietly chose our forks and began eating while covertly glancing around to see if we could discover weather our choices were correct.

After most of the lunch was complete and people were starting to eye the lavish, macaron topped cupcakes, our Auntie B, who is herself an beacon of style, leaned over and asked “So Aunt V, I noticed that there were two forks in the setting, and was a bit perplexed as to which one to use, which one should I have picked?”  Jenna and I looked at each other jaws agape, could our Aunt B have overheard our conundrum and be asking for us? 

Aunt V, having hosted many an elegant dinner party in her time,  gently smiled and responded,  “Well you see, they have set the table for a buffet lunch, so I would probably save my salad fork for desert and just use my larger fork for everything, but you really can’t go wrong.”

Nearly the whole table breathed a laughing sigh and at least 3 other people confessed to having had the same question!  We were so relieved!  While we may not be the most elegant women or run in the circles where that knowledge is required regularly, none of us would want to make a faux pas!  Yet, I find it very interesting how many of us it flummoxed!

Then Aunt V added, “I’ve always felt that it can be a bit confusing, I maybe would have removed the smaller salad fork and placed a dessert fork above the plate instead, or left the salad fork and just added a dessert fork.” 

I had never considered the subtle complexities of fork placement to this degree before, but once it was explained, it made sense how that arrangement would have made it easier to know what to do. Not that the way the table was set was wrong per se, it was actually set as a Buffet luncheon table setting.

Upon further research I’ve yet to find a compelling answer to the dessert fork quandary. One reddit article claims that if there is dessert, cutlery would be placed on the banquet table alongside, or at the beginning of the display. Another suggests that no separate fork is needed. And yet another insists that should additional cutlery be required it would be brought to the table at the appropriate time (possibly this person was referencing a served lunch rather than buffet?). In my humble opinion, I prefer my Aunt V’s solution.

Maybe something a little like this:

The take away? If you are confused, never feel silly asking which fork to use, you probably aren’t alone, oh and don’t let it keep you from enjoying the yummy desserts!